Blog Post

10 Little Ways to Show Them You Love Them

Nido Marketing • February 28, 2020

We all tell our children we love them, and it’s so important that they hear it! Looking for some fun ways to mix it up and show them you love them? Check out our ten tips:

1. Keep some dry erase markers handy

Dry erase markers work really well on glass surfaces such as windows and mirrors. No matter what age your child is, this simple and fun idea will put a smile on their face: using the markers, leave your child random notes. We use the word “note” loosely; pictures count, too, especially for little ones who aren’t reading yet! You don’t need to be a natural artist or poet, either. A simple “Good morning!” on the bathroom mirror with a shining sun is a nice surprise for anyone.

2. Go beyond the lunch note
You’ll need a permanent marker for this one. The next time you pack a banana or a hard boiled egg in your child’s lunch, have fun with a little simple art! Eggs are the perfect shape to draw silly faces on, and bananas are great for a short note or just a row of hearts.

3. Play

This one can be tough. At the end of a long day, we adults are tired. Oftentimes, the last thing we want to do is play a game with our child that’s not overly interesting to us. We challenge you to muster up just a little energy, though, for that time spent together can make a huge difference in how they feel. Build with Legos, play a board game, or put together a puzzle. The joy on your child’s face will be well worth it.

4. Use music

Humans can’t help but react to music. Use this to your advantage to make monotonous moments fun! Play your child’s favorites as a way to wake them up in the morning, to help them get through boring chores, or to dance around the kitchen while you’re making dinner together. Play them some of your favorites, too!

5. Put your phone down

It’s really easy to get sucked into our smartphones. Our devices are so helpful in so many ways, but we should be careful that they don’t get in the way of our human relationships. When you’re with your child, really be with your child. They won’t feel like they have to compete with a screen, and you will enjoy the time more.

6. Really listen

Our lives are full. Really full. Even the most organized people can feel rushed and overscheduled. Make sure you take some time to slow down and really listen to and hear your child. What are they trying to tell you? This can be especially important when they pour their hearts out at bedtime. Be there for them when they’re little, and they’ll come to you when they’re older.

7. Tell them when you notice

We are not advocates of traditional praise. Studies show that it does little to actually encourage positive behaviors, and as Montessorians our intention is to let children focus on how they feel about their work and not to seek approval from others. The solution? Phrase your praise differently. Instead of “Nice job!” try “I notice you worked really hard to get that done. How do you feel?” Focus on your observation and their perspective rather than your own opinions.

8. Cuddle

Perhaps the simplest tip on the list, it’s a super important one. Make time to snuggle with your little ones as long as they will let you. When they get older and no longer want that, hugs, pats on the back, or a squeeze of their hand are other physical ways to show your love.

9. Say it in another language

Just to mix it up and have fun, learn how to say “I love you” in another language. American Sign Language is a simple and fun way that can let you and your child tell each other without verbally saying a word. You can even make up your own silly and secret code phrase that means “I love you”.

10. Help them

We spend a lot of time working hard to foster independence in our children, and it’s really important to do so. Just remember, though, that we all need help sometimes. Perhaps your child has been zipping their own jacket for a year now, but they’re having a tough day and you notice they’re struggling. Ask them if they’d like your help. This doesn’t make them any less independent (especially when it’s once in a while), it just teaches them that we can all show each other a little kindness.


Have you tried any of these tips before? Let us know how they work out for you and if you have any others you think should be on the list!

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For example, when our children forget to bring something to school (a coat, gym shoes, snack, etc.), it’s their problem to own and solve because they are directly impacted. Plus, they are also capable of problem-solving (e.g. borrowing a coat, talking to their teacher, asking if there is any food they can have for a snack). Owning the problem helps children take more responsibility and learn from their mistakes. Whereas, if we rush to their rescue and bring anything that was left at home, our children learn that remembering to bring essential items isn’t really important because we take care of covering for them. The Challenges However, watching our children struggle can be heart-wrenching. We don’t like to see our children upset, in pain, or even frustrated. Often, without even thinking, we jump in and try to protect our children from whatever problem, conflict, or challenge they are experiencing. In addition to this urge to rescue, we may also experience time constraints, diminishing patience, worry about how others will perceive the situation, doubts about our children’s capability, and even pushback from our children. It may seem faster to tie our children’s shoes or clean their messy room than to wait for them to do it themselves. We may worry that our children won’t meet expectations with a school project or that teachers, other parents, or extended family members will judge the results if we don’t help. Or maybe we aren’t sure that our children will make the “right” decision or if our children are mature or skilled enough to handle a situation. We may even feel guilty about allowing our children to face the natural consequences of their actions, even though it’s a necessary part of learning. The Value All problems have owners. Being thoughtful about who owns the problem helps create a clear boundary between guiding our children and taking over their challenges, which is crucial for raising independent, confident, and capable individuals. If we take the time to think ahead about specific (and even recurring) situations, we can be prepared to empower our children to take ownership of the challenges they face, rather than automatically intervening. It’s also important to remember that if we regularly take ownership of our children’s problems, we are inadvertently teaching our children that they are not capable. The result? Our children grow more needy and dependent on (and sometimes even more demanding of) adults. If our children own the problem, we can let them handle the problem and provide support as necessary. This is a growth opportunity for us and our children! Steps to Take The next time our children express frustration or emotion in response to a problem they own, we can try a simple, three-step response. Tell them what we see When our children approach us, consider using detective skills to determine what emotion is at play. “It looks like you don’t know what to do right now,” or “It looks like you are disappointed,” or “It looks like you are feeling sad.” This simple first step provides acknowledgment and helps children accept that their feelings are normal and acceptable. For younger children, this also helps them learn to identify different emotions. In addition to validating our children’s feelings, active listening shows empathy and helps us avoid jumping to solutions. For example, if the upset is about an interaction with a friend, we can try saying something like, “That sounds really frustrating. Tell me more about what happened." Ask them what they can do Next, we can act as a coach rather than trying to provide solutions. This requires listening closely to determine the root cause of their problem and helping them come up with a solution (without doing it for them). For example, if facing the “I’m bored” statement, we can ask questions, “What do you think you could do on your own so that you would feel busy?” Even if they respond by saying, “I don’t know,” we can continue to focus on their ability to think through possibilities. Sometimes, even just replying with something like, “make believe you know,” grants them permission to use their imagination. Additional types of questions to have mentally prepared can include: “What do you think you could do to fix this?” “How do you think _____ might react if you explain?” “What’s the first step you could take?” Offer to help if appropriate Once our children have come up with a solution to their problem, we can offer to help without taking over and implementing the solution for them. Sometimes our children might need support with generating ideas. It’s okay to brainstorm together, which is different than trying to come up with solutions for them. If we do offer brainstorming support, it’s important to let our children choose the best course of action. For example, if the problem revolves around forgetting to bring something to school, we can help with some scaffolding, “Let’s think of ways you have remembered to bring your instrument for band. What’s one technique you’ve used before that worked well?” We can also offer support by providing access to tools or resources. For example, if the struggle involves organization, we can offer to provide a calendar or checklist and teach our children how to use this tool rather than organizing their assignments or chores for them. Role-playing can also sometimes help children practice the solution they’ve identified. Ultimately, we want to set clear exceptions by letting our children know what is expected and giving them the responsibility to follow through. Asking what their plan is is a great way to shift the focus to their ability to solve the problem. The best part is that the more often we allow our children to solve their own problems, the more capable they become. Are you curious to learn more about supporting children’s emerging sense of responsibility? Come visit our school!
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